It has never occurred to me that this thing with Infinite right now, will happen to me - to us Inspirits. I was so sure that their bond as friends and brothers are so strong that they will be continuing their activities for as long as time itself.
Then here comes the 7 year contract renewal, It was due last June and August is almost over already, but there is still no news about our 7 Romeos. I am used to waiting, I've waited for teasers, comeback schedules, for dvd releases, for shipment of goods... But this kind of waiting is such an agony. Especially when you are not prepared for it. Just seeing their posts in social network would hype up my feelings and I would think yes there is a positive result.. and then the waiting game begins again.
I have come to love another group in March, so the lack of activity for Infinite was a bit compensated for my being busy with Highlight. Now I was again into another group (saw them in a concert here in PH) and even if I am so into Him Chan (BAP), I still remember Gyu and Infinite ever now and then.
When I watched Infinite Rally 3 this weekend I even cry at the slightest "touching" words said or gestures. I thought what if I haven't been watching shows of Highlight or B.A.P, what if i was only an Inspirit and this thing happened... would I be so devastated?
Contract Issues and Disbandment, words that never crossed my mind that could happen to my favorite groups... well it is happening now for Infinite and then there's B.A.P - the thought of my bias groups' members will go separate ways scares the hell out of me. It bothers me now, that word - disband. There is hope though, they call pull off something like what Highlight did, but that probably is at least 2 years worth of careful thought and firm decision making.
The truth is, I am scared to lose the groups i love most, I am scared not to see them together, I am scared not to see them perform - I say they want to perform, they love each other, they love their fans, and so on.. but Do I really know what they want? Do I really know what's going on in their minds?
I have invested so much time following their activities, saving their photos, watching their shows, buying their albums and merchandise, voting to give them a win, streaming their songs, and many other things I never thought I would do in my entire life. I have (admittedly) given them so much of my time (and life) and basically made them part of my routine... I am probably not scared for their livelihood, for their fame lost, for their life... for their dreams...
I am actually just scared for myself. I am scared of how my life will be when I can no longer see them together, when I can no longer spend an hour or two browsing and checking for updates about them.. what will I be excited about? What will I look forward to? I have made them a part of me so much so that If they cease to exist, My life will be so empty.
